Tips For First Time Mums — Newborn Edition

The first 3 months of becoming a Mum were pretty damn hard for me, so here is what helped me the most from newborn to 12 weeks and what I would go back and tell myself!

Day/night association: I started this while I was pregnant and I truly feel it carried through for my girl when she entered the world! Every morning when I woke up, I would take the covers off my belly, lift my shirt and let the morning sun shine on my belly. Azura would kick and wake up with me. If we woke later than that little window of sunshine, then I'd go outside into the light. She has always been the best night sleeper! Now we do similar - in the morning when she wakes up (I let her wake, we don't go off a schedule), I'll open up the blinds and she'll blink sleepily with big smiles. Throughout the day as a newborn I slept her in the bassinet in our loungeroom without closing the blinds at all, and now as a 4 month old she'll still happily sleep either in a dark room or in the bright lounge room. When it's becoming dark, again we don't have a routine, I'll just feed her when she wants to start her wind down/night feed (which is a huge one as it gets her through for hours during the night! That's all witching hour is - your baby loading up for the night), and in between changing boobs or burping I'll take her out onto the balcony so she can get some night air, see that it's dark outside and get that natural melatonin boost.

Dream feeds: Probably another supporting action of our great sleeps ☺️ I think dream feeds can mean different things to different people, but for me it's feeding my baby while she's asleep. I stumbled across this one by accident one night when she was about 1 1/2 months old, completely exhausted, and had slept 5 hours straight without a feed. So I picked her up, popped her on the boob, she fed while staying asleep then went straight back down! We do it every night now. She goes to sleep around 7pm, she'll start wriggling a little around 1-2am (still asleep) so I'll pick her up, pop her on the boob, after 10 minutes she'll pull off, stretch, and go straight back down, all without opening her eyes. She feeds soo calmly and smoothly when she's asleep too! Sometimes I'll give her another one around 5am, but she doesn't open her eyes at all from 7pm to 7am the next morning 🥰

Midnight snacks: You're gonna get realll hungry when you hit 4am, and you may not have the chance to make a proper breaky at 7am, so grab a snack to keep you going. My go to was apple slices!

Help in the morning: For those first few weeks, the greatest thing that made me feel human and made a positive impact on the day to come was actually being able to wash my face, brush my teeth, put my hair up, have a quick shower if I was still bleeding, put the washing on and make breakfast. I had my mother in law next door so occasionally she would come over to hold bub while I did these things, and my goodness it was the highlight of my day during that difficult period. If you live with family or have help close by, please use it!

Preparation: Thank heavens I'm a Virgo so this part is easy for me, but preparation will help you soo much as a new Mum. You really are going to have such limited time to yourself or to have your hands free, so do as much as you can while you can. Prepare your morning the night before, get your breakfast as ready as possible, cut your leftover lasagna up into bite size pieces for when you heat it up for lunch, make everything one handed as much as you can.

Stock your freezer: Because there’s no time to cook, really, for quite a while. And you do not want that responsibility on top of everything else you're juggling right now either!

Drop the to-do list: Because the only thing you need to do right now, is be a mumma to that gorgeous little bundle of yours. Become comfortable with your only achievement for the day being keeping that child alive, not crossing off a to-do list. You will have time to yourself again. You will start to be productive again, be able to make delicious (proper!) meals again, you will finally have time to sit and journal to get all those thoughts out of your mind, and truly it's not that far away! Just surrender to this moment, right now.

Delete the apps: I really wish I could go back and tell myself that a baby does not have a routine for at least the first two months, even three. Trying to find a pattern in feeds and sleeps is a waste of time and only a cause of anxiety! Even when they do reach that 3 month mark, if tracking feeds, changes, and sleep on an app gives you anxiety/becomes too stressful, don’t. I still don't now, I'll only make a note of when her last sleep and feed was so I can generally track her wake windows and when she could be hungry again, but this is so fluid and I follow her cues for everything.

Drink lots of water: I'm not a fan of water (weird, I know) but my god since giving birth and breastfeeding, I absolutely guzzle it as much as my gal guzzles her milk. Always have water in the fridge or a filter prepared if that's the only way you like it. I only drink mine icy cold, so I bought a Bink Mama Bottle as you can fit icecubes in it.

Dummy: I was against dummies while I was pregnant, as I thought they were just a pacifier to 'shut them up'. Oh no. Well, maybe for some parents, but never for me. I use a dummy only for sleep association, because that works for us. When she's ready for a nap, she gets cradled in my arms, rocked, with her dummy in, and she knows it's sleep time. Family members have tried using it just during awake time like in the pram but I quickly let them know it's only for sleep association. It's also useful if you feed to sleep, as they may fall asleep on the boob and use it as a pacifier, so you can slip the nipple out and if they start to look for it, just pop the dummy in to keep them content ☺️ (be sure they aren't still feeding though, as you don't want them to suck and swallow air once the dummy is in).

Burpies: Sounds simple and silly but, it took me a little to get this. Always burp your little one after a feed, otherwise you may sabotage a good sleep for the both of you! Even when I dream feed, I'll stand up with her in my arms and burp her just to make sure (even though 99% of the time she doesn't burp after a night feed). I've found that if she's asleep in bed but fussing, she needs to burp, also if she's acting silly on the boob - stop and burp!

Follow wake windows: We don't have a routine and will feed on demand and sleep on demand, but it took me too long (and a lot of frustration later) to learn what wake windows are and how to follow them. I'd feed Azura in the morning, change her, then she wouldn't settle back to sleep after 5-10 mins so I'd think "okay, time to get up and start the day!" and proceed to keep her away for another hour on top of that while I had breakfast and started our day. I was starting her day by keeping her awake for wayyy too long! Even now, she only wants to be awake in the morning literally just long enough for a feed and change, then straight back to sleep. If we nail the first nap of the day, then the rest of our day naps are so much easier!

Learn how to settle your baby to sleep: Oh man, out of everything I'd probably put most of my energy into this. I spent countless hours trying to settle my baby to get her to nap during the day, and I was only ever able to feed her to sleep, which actually ended up in her having stomach pains because she was overfeeding! Becoming confident with putting your baby to sleep without only the boob will ease so much anxiety and make you feel more empowered as a mother.

Learn cues: Because my gal quickly learned that she didn't need to cry as she was always immediately tended to, I learned to look out for her physical cues instead. Some are big, some are more discreet and you have to be aware and tentative to her. When she's hungry, she'll breathe heavily at me through her mouth while looking straight in my eyes (that's so strange to try and explain 😂) and I taught her grandma that too, to know when to give her a bottle. Now she's a bit older, she'll suck on her fist. When she starts getting sleepy, she'll look dazed, show less interest in what's around her, stare into the distance. When she's overtired, she'll tug at her ears and even try to hide her face with her hands to block out stimulation (try not to get to this point!). Listen and watch your baby and learn their special little language. It's very worth it.

Know what no is: I feel this is very important as a mindful mumma who's bringing her baby up with pure love and respect for what her girl wants and needs. If a baby physically turns their head away from something, whether it be a person, toy, even TV screen that you didn't know they were looking at, then they've had enough. I know people love to put themselves in babies faces and keep forcing them to look at them even when they turn away, but honour your baby's way of saying "no". They don't understand how to shake their heads yet and communicate in our way.

Feed laying down: The first time I did this, Azura vomited everywhere. Yay. I didn't try again until a few weeks later and now it's our very favourite way to feed. Belly to belly, bub rolled on their side with your hand on their back for support, it's very comfortable for the both of you! I started this because I have a very fast let down on my right side and would choke a lot when cradled in my arms, so she feeds much easier while in bed. When we visit Mum we just lay on a rug, put our blanket down and feed there too!

Let them sleep on chest: Newborns want to be close to you. They need to be close to you, you are their life-force and they're suddenly in this gigantic overwhelming world and having mumma right there to keep them safe just solves all of their problems. Get cosy on the lounge and let your bub just lay on your chest. If it's night, let them lay on your chest too. I know in the first few weeks you're sleep deprived but your little one needs the rest too, and if they sleep best on your then you'll adapt.

Use a wrap carrier: I was gifted mine from Chekoh and it was the best thing for those first few weeks when I couldn't put her down! You'll probably find your babe falls asleep very quickly in one, they just love to have their head against your chest to hear and feel that familiar heartbeat of yours. Sometimes I'd just let Azura stay in the wrap while I laid back on the lounge to watch Netflix or game, without bothering the risk of transferring to the bassinet.

Co sleep: I mean, don't let any government workers see this blog post 😂 The first few nights with my fresh baby in her bassinet at night, I was not sleeping a single minute because I was constantly leaning over that bassinet, making sure she was breathing, quickly checking on her with every movement she made, and my god it was strenuous on both my body (leaning over) and my mind from lack of sleep. I thought "why don't I just put her beside me so I don't keep leaning over" so I literally just placed her in bed beside me and we both had the best sleep we'd had since she entered the world. Follow the "safe sleep seven" guidelines of course, and only have your baby in your bed if you trust yourself. I sleep like a corpse, I literally don't move and I'm very aware of what's happening around me. Sam however, fidgets, kicks, has punched me a few times lol, and is restless as hell in his sleep, so he doesn't sleep with her. Assess the situation for yourself, but it is amazing for us because I'm there for her every need and she has the assurance of hearing my breath and warmth beside her.

Enjoy your "you" time: Which right now, is probably only those 10-20 minutes in the shower. Don’t rush them, because it’s the only time you’re truly by yourself. Your partner can handle his baby for that time, let him. For the first couple of months mine were so rushed and full of anxiety that my baby needed me, all for no reason. You deserve to be by yourself, your partner is a parent to, so let them be.

Consider a postnatal doula: Something I wish I had of done. I had my doula during pregnancy and birth which was so invaluable, but the care would have been incredibly appreciated postnatal too.

And finally...

Relax your spine. Unclench your jaw. Drop your shoulders. Breathe.

It gets easier. And it does become worth it. You just have to take it day by day as that little one grows and develops. And on those difficult days, remember "she's not giving you a hard time, she's having a hard time". You and your baby are in this together.

All of my love Mumma xx